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Over-Parenting Anonymous

Sixth Birthday Fever is running rampant in our household, mostly infecting the five-year-old. However, there is recent evidence that the contagion has spread to my bride. An otherwise fairly sane person (marital decisions notwithstanding), she sent me the following. (I have mercilessly pruned it, ’cause it went ON and ON…)

“Sounds pretty cool, eh?” my wife wrote in attaching this piece of HyperMom Frenzy. It IS full of ideas, but my goodness! What’s the kid going to expect for his seventh birthday party? And then grade 8 grad will have to top that. And prom. And university graduation, if just learning and studying isn’t far too much boring effort by then. I figure that this kid will fully expect to literally go into orbit on his wedding night (ceremony on the space shuttle, honeymoon around Uranus…)

Anyhow, take a listen. Maybe it’s the materialism, maybe it’s the manic effort on the part of all to make this kid’s party the Top of the Charts, maybe it’s the selfishness (who is this FOR, really?), but I find this bloody alarming. (Perhaps you’ll find it superb and think of me ever after as a pinch-faced pessimist. The risks I take!)

For my son’s 6th birthday party, I threw him a Super Hero Training Party. I called each of the parents and asked them questions about their sons: weight, height, distinguishing features, brief personal history, enemies, etc. I then wrote up a dossier on each kid, with TOP SECRET watermarked on the paper. I paper-clipped the dossier, a headshot of the boy, and a cover letter into a manilla folder marked “Top Secret” on the outside. We hand delivered the invitations…’Please come in your Super Hero uniform [scrambling parents make sure their son has an adequate costume; somehow, I’m thinking this isn’t happening in the low-rent district] and be prepared to work hard….We hope you decide to become a part of the…CRIME FIGHTING SUPER HERO LEAGUE.  Regards, Justice Forall.’ 

As the kids entered we had a sign that said ‘Entering Restricted Area, please proceed to handprint recognition and retinal scanning.’ We had two boxes that my brother rigged up with flashlights to check handprints and retinas….When all kids arrived, I handed out their ‘Crime Fighting Super Hero League Training Manual.’ made them in Print Shop using the 1/4 card template. Inside there was three sections: Endurance, Agility, and Marksmanship….[Olympic-type events with stickers for successful completion ensued. Here’s a taste of *Marksmanship\*] I had 50 water balloons ready and a piece of plywood covered in plastic with a bullseye. The manual stated, ‘Hitting the target you are aiming for is an essential skill to fight crime…’ The boys took turns throwing one water balloon at a time at the target…they stood at the back door and threw them out at the target. We handed out their stickers for their training manuals when they had used up all the balloons. When they finished all the events we went back to the ‘Welcome Center’ and had a graduation party….

After the ceremony we had a reception in which I brought in cupcakes decorated with the emblems of Spiderman, Batman and Superman. Right when I brought them in I had my husband (dressed as Dr. Zogie the evil scientist) and my brother (dressed as the Emperor from Star Wars) attack the party, steal the cupcakes and run away. Then I told the boys, ‘You are all now Super Heroes! Remember everything you have learned! Go get the bad guys and save our cupcakes!’ The boys needed no further instruction. They all went running after Dr. Zogie and the Emperor…

FOOD – We served cupcakes decorated with superhero emblems, homemade ice cream and juice. FAVORS – After we were done with food, we proceded with present opening. When the guests would give my son his present, he would hand them a little canvas bag that I had painted their names on. There was candy and more super hero stickers inside. While we waited for the parents, they just ran around the obstacle course, attacked the pillows and ran around like crazy boys do. It was loads of fun and we were all exhausted by the end… 

 So, yes, no question, it’s a deeply admirable effort, and surely the kids had a great time. And if they didn’t already  think the sun rose and set on their wee arses, surely they must by now! Whew! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! (But sorry, love. We ain’t goin’ there. The Little Prince will live, and more. Trust me.)

George Carlin: The Virtue of Dissatisfaction

I found myself yesterday, in a bathroom not my own, catching up on my reading. In this case, George Carlin’s Braindroppings was the toilet-tank offering. My gentle hosts may have been having fond flashbacks to the venerable comedian’s “Hippy Dippy Weatherman” days when they bought this. Carlin’s intelligence and quirky perspective are all on display here, but I’m not sure Wendy and Bernie knew how vulgar, and how downright misanthropic, Carlin can be. It’s dominated by a deeply angry, even despairing world view that I can’t quite get with, though there are some brilliantly caustic lines. He’s discouraged, but he makes a sour sort of fun of it. There should be a warning label.

That’s not the thing, though. In his introduction to the book, Carlin cites a gorgeous piece of the philosophy of Martha Graham, the great goddess of dance. He counters his own seeming conviction of the uselessness of hope by sharing Graham’s insistence on the importance of individual expression. So, from a sometimes pungent source (and I don’t mean Wendy and Bernie’s bathroom) here is today’s beautiful thing:

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open….

No artist is pleased….[There is no] satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

Here’s to openness. Here’s to living. (And to George and Martha — not the Washingtons — my odd coupling for today.)

A Little CRAZY?

I belong to an exclusive group: The Few, The Proud. Apologies to the U.S. Marine Corps, because this tiny assembly I belong to is about as far from American military prowess as can be. No, I’m not a Marine, but I AM one of the approximately 212 people outside of Quebec who’ve seen C.R.A.Z.Y. 

Now C.R.A.Z.Y., for those of you who haven’t been hiding under the same rock as me, was Canada’s selection for Best Foreign Film at the Oscars. It didn’t make the short list there, but it ran roughshod over the competition at the Genie Awards, Canada’s feature film prizes. This Quebec film grossed $6.2 million domestically, a big number for CanFlicks, but almost all of that was within its home province. This didn’t stop it from winning 10 of the 11 categories, including four of the Big Five: best picture, best director (Jean-Marc Vallée), best actor (Michel Côté), and best screenplay (Vallée and François Boulay). Only the best actress nod, to Indian actor Seema Biswas for her role in Deepa Mehta’s Water, prevented the sweep.

(Now help me here, because I have a great piece of Oscar trivia and I’m hoping I am asking the right question. Q: What is the only film (or is it two?) ever to win the Big Five? A: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975). Directed by Milos Forman, with Jack Nicholson and Louise Fletcher taking the acting honours, and a screenplay adapted from Ken Kesey’s superb novel. And a great film it is, too.)

(Oops, but NOT the only one. (Thanks, Google.) Cuckoo’s Nest was the second one, to Frank Capra’s 1931 film It Happened One Night. There you have it.)

Anyway, back to C.R.A.Z.Y.ness. I haven’t seen Water – or St. Ralph, for that matter, but then, neither have you – but based on my viewing and some of the buzz it’s gotten, it’s no surprise that there was a crazy tidal wave at the Genies. It really is a fine movie, with a compelling and timely coming-of-age story, a flawed but hugely charming blue-collar father (Côté), lots of boomer musical nostalgia (Quebeckers knew about Bowie, and they knew Patsy Cline, too) and a surprising number of laughs. There are even some mystical bits that somehow fit right in. (And as a special bonus for me, the soundtrack includes Roy Buchanan, the legendary American blues guitarist, and “The Messiah Will Come Again”. Quebeckers know Roy! I hadn’t been able to find Buchanan on CD until Guitar on Fire turned up on a rack in Chicoutimi, much to my surprise. You may be able to find the more recent Millennium Masters collection – awesome – more easily.) We return now to our movie review, already in progress.

And yes, C.R.A.Z.Y. is in FRENCH. It has subtitles. Get over it! You can read! And if seeing foreign-language films is a new experience for you, well, think of it as a, um, new experience. It’s really not as distracting as many of my Anglo acquaintances seem to think. You won’t miss a thing. And with this crowning at the Genies, and its international success, you never know – C.R.A.Z.Y. may even make it on to a few more Canadian screens. We should hope so.

Elise and the Living

I got a note from Elise yesterday. She’s a fine young friend, a former colleague and presently doing a university year overseas in Rotterdam. (Elise’s parents are from the northern part of the Netherlands, Friesland, so this was also a return to the ancestral homeland.) She is an outstanding person, someone I’ll be watching over the next few decades and whom I want my children to know.

Elise is a woman who reaches out for the knowledge and experience that only come with hunger and openness. One of her educational adventures came last year through participating in the Holocaust memorial called The March of the Living. Our family hosts a regular youth-friendly meeting of those seeking to learn more about the Bahá’í teachings, but we gave Elise the floor after her return because her experience was a powerful one and her desire to share it was equally strong. (I wrote an essay about that evening, which can be found in this site’s “On Second Thought” section, or by clicking here.)

Elise wanted to share with all of us a brief  video account of her experience last spring, and I hope you’ll take a look via the above link. It’s well worth the three minutes it’ll take, and you’ll briefly meet Elise and get a slice of what she shared with us last June. Tikkam Olam.  Repair the world.

What’s Next, Contortionists?

Back in February, a friend sent me a link for a juggling video. Gosh, I thought, I love my friends but they send me too much junk email. And then, as I have to do so stunningly often, my words needed seasoning and a good hard chew, because I’ve just watched the greatest performance in the history of humankind. There! Well, maybe not, but it surely brought a spark of — what, diversion? sparkle? a slice of joy? — to my quiet corner.

It was a comedian called Chris Bliss – that can’t be his real name, but if it is, he must have learned to juggle to escape the schoolyard taunting – who finishes off his act with a juggling routine. A la David Byrne in the concert video Stop Making Sense, he clicks on a portable stereo (playing “The End” from Abbey Road), takes out three white balls and starts bopping with the Beatles. I found it thrilling. Seriously! This guy has rhythm and hands. Listen, I’ve watched my share of empty-headed television, so I’ve seen people juggle chainsaws and tomatoes, all kinds of kinky things in great numbers, but this was musical and witty and pretty darned dextrous.

Then I managed to delete it before sharing, but Googlation got me to SonnyRadio, a site for a radio host in San Antonio with a bizarre niche: he likes to make people feel good about being alive. Pretty corny, but it could catch on.

Lessons from the Toy Department

It happened in February in upstate New York, but it’s the best kind of March Madness for me. If you haven’t seen the video yet – and even if you’re not a hoops-head like I am – you might want to take a look. It aired nationally as a CBS News item, which you can view here. It’s a feel-good story, and let me be the first to say that THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! Life’s too short for cynicism.

The “Miracle at Greece Athena High” — as I once said to my dear Marge-in-law about the film Hoop Dreams — has hoops in it but “it’s not really about basketball”. (She rolls her eyes still.) This is about inclusion and kindness, good leadership, the sweet side of group (not mob) psychology, and the beauty of sport at its best. It’s not about basketball; it’s about an autistic kid finding acceptance and worthiness, even before his ridiculous run of sharpshooting success. I commend it to any four-minute attention span you can summon. No eye-rolling allowed.

(I wrote more on this later in the week, which you can view in the Sports! section here or in the longer piece I wrote for “On Second Thought” accessible by a simple click here. Speaking of wonders, how ’bout this miraculous clicking? Whew! And to think it only took me a few months to get the hang of this stuff.)

Dancing For Their Lives

The Bahá’ís have been celebrating Ayyam-i-Há, the “leftover days” in their calendar when hospitality and generosity are – even more than usual – the order of the day. The Sunday school had cut its morning classes in favour of an afternoon fair. Alongside class presentations on their chosen community service projects, and general funsies, there was a jaw-dropping artistic presentation that I felt lucky to see. The DanceAbility group in my town gathers mentally and physically disabled teens and adults and makes a performance ensemble out of them.

I must say, I had my doubts. I’ve spent a lot of time in schools, especially senior elementary and secondary ones where kids can be extremely self-conscious and, consequently, at times rather cruel. The test came early for our audience, mainly composed of kids from 4 years to 15. The first piece was an improvisational dance, a duet between the instructor – an attractive, well-trained and graceful woman – and another young woman, this one short and rather round and profoundly affected by Down’s Syndrome. It was odd and it was beautiful. There were themes that influenced their movement to the simple live musical accompaniment, and the instructor would sometimes very gently suggest the next type of movement. The guide’s willingness to risk and her affection and respect for her partner were gorgeous, and so was their simple ballet. The kids were wide-eyed. So was I.

Before the performance, I’d shot a few hoops in the second gym with Robert, one of the dancers, and his younger brother. Robert was enthusiastic and warmly encouraging to his more reticent li’l bro while we shared that peculiar kinship of boys and a basketball. 22 years old, tall and goateed, Robert was also deeply serious about DanceAbility’s work. I loved the intensity, the fearlessness that he brought to his performances. (I have so much to learn from him.) And I needn’t have worried, because the kids at the Suzanne Sabih School, from kindergarteners to high schoolers, were reverently attentive during the dancing and loudly admiring in their applause. Dozens of them jumped up to join in a closing improv piece that united performers and audience. Melt.

Art does the darnedest things. Have you noticed?

Twin Billed Terrorism

It was necessary to get away from Frank and Gordon (God help me, but I liked dem beavers) and the rest of the Olympic circus on my television, and the mighty Mayfair Cinema gave me a perfect excuse. (I’m normally a Bytowne Cinema loyalist, but the twin bill was tough to resist. Capital readers, these are Ottawa’s two best ways to see the best films. Check ’em out, and then you’ll be glad you read this.)

Yes, it was double-header terrorism: Steven Spielberg’s Munich and a film by the Palestinian director Hany Abu-Assad called Paradise Now. I staggered out of the Mayfair feeling a bit bludgeoned, and on the 360 degree lookout for spies and assassins and suicide bombing candidates. Almost everybody I saw was a suspect, and why not?

Munich is anything but subtle in its effect, though it tries to be nuanced in its discussion of the ethics of violence. We follow the hand-picked Avenging Angel of the Israeli secret police, the Mossad, as he systematically (though uncertainly) exterminates the Palestinians behind the Munich Olympic massacre of 1972. At least, Avner (laconically played by Eric Bana) is assured that the disturbingly human, even charming men that he incinerates, ventilates and mutilates are, indeed, the bad guys. He wonders. He asks questions. He and his team keep on blasting.

Spielberg is at great pains to do two main things. First, he does not want to come across as a Jewish apologist for Israeli policies. We recall the full horror of Munich in documentary footage (Peter Jennings on the ground for ABC) and painful recreations of the hostage-taking and the killings of 11 Israeli athletes and coaches. However, Munich insists that we  also get to know the Palestinian victims of Israeli revenge (beyond the several hundred Palestinian peasants killed in the air assaults that immediately followed the Munich conflagration). One is a literary scholar. Another is a diplomat with a lovely French wife and an adorable daughter. A third is an altogether likable guy who shares some hotel balcony chit-chat with Avner.

Mr. Spielberg’s second imperative is to stun us with the violence of their various demises, and that of the dozens of other graphically depicted bits of savagery in the film. It works. We’re supposed to be compromised by the gulf between the carnage and the (often) appealing camaraderie of Avner’s team, just as we are by the presentation of sympathetic characters on the Palestinian side. (Spielberg includes, for example, a most unlikely tête à tête in a stairwell between Avner and a young, preternaturally eloquent operative who delivers the Palestinian side of the story.) So, moral ambiguity is the order of the day, and the doubtful utility of violence is hammered at in an extraordinarily violent way.

And yes, I was stunned, but somehow not too deeply moved; riveted, but not very involved. Acting takes a distant third place to spectacle and philosophical debate, though Geoffrey Rush as Avner’s shadowy chief is terrific, and Daniel Craig is compelling as the blunt, remorseless thug of the Israeli team (and not only because we’re wondering how those bright blue eyes and blonde hair became so furiously Zionist). But though we are required to sympathize with Avner—his ghostly heroic father, his cold mother, his radiantly pregnant and pretty wife—I didn’t, much. It’s just a massively ambitious movie that can’t quite sustain the weight of all that it is trying to be and do. And those monologues! Still, it is strong and thoughtful stuff.

It was Paradise Now that really took me in. It’s ambitious, too; it’s the story of two young men from Nablus getting ready to die for the Palestinian cause. Their chance for martyrdom arrives, and we watch their preparations with fascination, dismay and even a few quiet laughs. (For Israelis, though, I’m sure the dismay was torturous and the humour rather bitter.) In blunt contrast to Munich, the violence is implicit. Hany Abu-Assad shows us life in Palestine, without some of the obvious tugging at heartstrings that Spielberg is prone to. Against the war-ruined (but often lively) backdrop of Nablus — everything was filmed there and in Bethlehem, if I remember rightly — we are shown the lives of Khaled (Ali Suliman) and Saïd (Kais Nashef), a couple of car mechanics and close friends who are shuffling through their fairly pointless days.

Khaled is excitable — the closest thing to violence in the film is him taking a crowbar to a difficult customer’s front fender — while Saïd, the still centre of the movie, is quiet and diffident. He eventually emerges from his morose silence to quietly but powerfully speak the thematic heart of the piece. Yes, it’s another monologue, unfortunately, and the only real misstep in the film. “A life without dignity is worthless,” he tells a militant leader, trying to convince him to allow the suicide operation set for Tel Aviv to go forward after a false start. I couldn’t believe the silence of this father confessor, but I did understood the deep sadness in Saïd’s eyes. In this picture, we are shown the hopeless lethargy and the chronic indignation that can make suicide bombing seem a worthy option, but it is far from propaganda. Abu-Hassad, with his frank depiction of the clumsiness and hypocrisy of the “martyrdom operation” recruiters, as well as a brief but fiery rebuttal of violence by Saïd’s pretty new friend, Suha (Lubna Azabal), is no advocate for terrorism.

The quiet balance of the director’s approach is what allows Warner Independent Productions to promote Paradise Now with the tag line, “From the most unexpected place, comes a bold new call for peace.” I’m not sure that’s what the movie is, because aside from one stagey soliloquy, it mainly does what any good storyteller should. It shows, it doesn’t tell. I guess that’s what Spielberg tried to do with the special effects violence, though it becomes too blatant. Munich falters when he lapses into telling, and this is one of the reasons I found myself more moved and intrigued by the more gentle yet deeply suspenseful arc of Paradise Now. Both are eminently worth seeing, but I’m not sure if I’d recommend a double bill.

February Empowers, Brings May Flowers: A Greenhouse Valentine

And to show what a WILDLY romantic pair my bride and I are, we spent Valentine’s evening at a meeting of the World Federalists. Now there’s a dedicated, thoughtful bunch. (“In schoolyards, cities and democratically governed nations, agreed rules help ensure a peaceful social order. Why not for our global community?” The WF movement has been quietly working at this for decades, and their program and aspirations are worthy of more attention than they get. As their evening’s speaker, they’d brought in Elizabeth May, Order of Canada member and head of the Sierra Club nationally, and my lady has long been an admirer. I’ve joined her now. May is passionate, funny and vividly intelligent. I’ll join the Club, too. My favourite quote from last night: “Climate change can be narrowly categorized as ‘an environmental issue’ in the same way that drowning is ‘a water issue’.”

Ms. May took us through the history of climate change in a lively and superbly informed way. It is interesting, in the light of the present mania for security, that the first international conference on climate change (in June 1988) issued a report called “Our Changing Atmosphere: Implications for Global Security”. It’s also interesting that this conference was hosted in Canada and co-sponsored by the Conservative government of Mr. Mulroney. The subsequent 1992 Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro was the one where President Bush the First threatened to boycott the session if there were to be ANY figures, targets or timelines for action discussed there. After all, he insisted, “the American lifestyle is not on trial”. Ahem. And so Rio spoke only in vague terms about “dangerous levels of anthropogenic [human-produced] carbon” in the atmosphere. (Meanwhile, the scientists in Toronto four years earlier had said this: “Humanity is conducting an unintended, uncontrolled, globally pervasive experiment whose ultimate consequences are second only to global nuclear war.” Gulp.)

Only the third subsequent “Conference of the Parties” to the climate change convention adopted in Rio – now I finally know what the “COP 11” acronym for the recent Montreal conference actually meant – was finally able to arrive at some targets for reduction of carbon pollution. (These are the infamous “greenhouse gases”, like carbon dioxide (CO2) or methane (CH4)). These targets were, in the light of the scientific consensus, shockingly modest.  They were clearly acknowledged — at least among non-governmental organizations — to be feeble ones that, at best, could buy us a little time (the UN scientific agency had recommended, in 1990, reductions of greenhouse gas emissions in the order of 60%; by 1997, COP 3 adopted only single-digit targets). You might even remember the name of the city where COP 3 was held. Yes. Kyoto, Japan.

And we’re still struggling to get nations, most notably our own, to commit to the low Kyoto Protocol targets. (By the way, tomorrow is Happy Birthday, Kyoto: on February 16, 2005, with Russia’s ratification of the treaty, two things occurred. One, the United States and Australia were left as the only two nations that signed the Kyoto protocols but refused to ratify them. Second, Kyoto became legally binding. The protocols, that is, not the city.)

So COP 11, last fall, was held in Montreal, with 8000 people in attendance, including Bill Clinton (though not officially – the Americans apparently would have walked had he spoken to the Conference itself). It was very significant. First – and the American government was not happy about this, according to May – the Conference was being held in North America for the first time, and thus was much more difficult for the western media to ignore. The unwillingness of the American delegation was a matter of public interest and debate. As key environmental “tipping points” approach – the Gulf Stream is slowing down, the stupendous Antarctic and Greenland ice sheets are eroding, and each of these evolving situations is potentially cataclysmic – the Montreal conference was a major sign of hope. The allied non-governmental organizations (yes, acronym-lovers, the NGOs), such as the Sierra Club, had set out an ambitious set of goals, of which even the most optimistic felt that few could actually be adopted. Through a fascinating process of infighting, influence and genuine international intrigue – all-night sessions, mysterious Russian dealings, perhaps even the American delegation blinking in the face of a geopolitical stare-down – every single NGO goal was eventually adopted. This is good news for polar bears, Bangladeshis, Rideau Canal skaters and coastal cities. This is good news for the world, though it’s not much more than a start.

As the Montreal Conference of the Parties was about to begin, the Liberal government had just fallen. Its finest moment may have come on its deathbed. Ms. May praised former Prime Minister Martin’s administration for bringing COP 11 to Montreal, and especially lauded the immense preparation and committed Chairmanship of former Environment Minister Stéphane Dion. I found it quite wonderful, in the face of all the easy cynicism about government, to hear of useful contributions and real engagement by our political leaders.

It’s not all sunshine, of course. Elizabeth May has no shortage of dire warnings about the consequences of the world’s addiction to fossil fuels and the attendant effect on our global climate. People like her, though, are seen less and less as mad voices wailing in the wilderness. Valentine’s Day or not, the world still needs a wake-up call, and it was good to hear that there are real signs of attention and action. And as serious-minded as they are, the World Federalists did not forget to bring  May flowers. That was sweet. (See how romantic I am?)

Pre-Packaged Romance

Yes, it’s all about the loving. I don’t care much for Hallmark, for commercially driven expressions of personal devotion. But my lady likes Valentine’s Day, and so do I. (There may even be a causal connection between those two statements. Happy wife, happy life, someone smarter than me has said.) No roses this time, and I forgot the chocolate [note to self – it’s never too late for truffles], but big son had little son under control, we were in the Star of Siam for Thai goodies, and my hand-scribbled card did the trick again. [Note to self: it was an interesting choice to guess what the Cyrillic script meant on that Russian card in the bottom of the correspondence drawer. Happy New Year?? Yikes. So close to goodness, though, and it did have some hearts on it.] There has to be something good about being married to a struggling writer. Hallmark needs me!