The cutest little 5-year-old vegetarian vampire went our marauding our neighbourhood with his Mummy this evening. The teeth were intimidating, but he refused to have any blood seeping from the corner of his mouth, or any threatening makeup. Blonde hair and dimples were unimpeded, the sweetness unalloyed. He carried a UNICEF donation box, for goodness’ sake.

And speaking of that, Count Samuel was the only one I saw collecting for UNICEF the whole night. There’s an idea that seems to have gone the way of McRibs. What I noticed most, apart from the beautiful innocence of the smallest fairies and felines, was more fuel for my annual Hallowe’en rant. I didn’t, again, have the heart to do more than josh and harass them as I dropped chocolate into their pillowcases, but there’s something about teenagers trick-or-treating that gets me growling. Have some self-respect, kideroons…